Here DL identifies the following key human values: patience/forbearance, contentment, self-discipline, and generosity.
In discussing patience, he really calls it the ability to endure suffering with mental disciplines. He argues, as many others have, that accepting our pain and suffering in life makes it easier to bear. Do you have any experience or personal examples which support this principle?
I have found it helpful at times to draw a line between my actual suffering and my worrying or emotional response to the pain. This allows me to recognize the way I often subconsciously heap misery upon the misery and to call off the dogs of my mental negativity. Your thoughts?
Have you found any gain in DL’s suggestion to see how our bad fortune can sometimes be someone else’s good fortune, seeing things from that larger, less intensely personal perspective?
DL also talks about cultivating a sense of contentment in our lives. How do you limit your own desires and find satisfaction in what you have?
In his discussion of generosity, DL notes that we must “give out of respect for the recipient,” “honoring the recipient’s dignity.” Can you give an example of a specific act of generosity that has done that and one that has not?
So often we limit our discussion and understanding of generosity to material gifts. DL asks us to think of generosity of attitude and behavior and in dealings with others. Again, to encourage each other, please offer a story of when you have experienced such non-material generosity.
Generosity of our time-I think receiving (and giving) the gift of someones time is huge. When people are willing to give their time and attention to others it can be a great gift. Just being with someone who is hurting and truly listening to them can be a gift to both the giver and the receiver. I know that spending time with an a person with dementia, just sitting and holding their hand can bring a great deal of comfort- how about those special times with friends that just seem to make your day? Back to my dementia patients- I think to spend time with them is honoring their dignity- to really be with them where ever they are in their walk is respecting them as a person. How about when we spend time with the elderly and every thing must work at a slower pace- to give them this extra time is respecting them- putting their needs before ours and in this situation both parties "win" if you go into it with the right attitude. Doesn't so much of this chapter come back to believing otheres are just as important and maybe more important than self? If we can just put others first-even part of the time a lot of the issue would work themselves out-and if everyone did this there would not be the pecking order we see today.
ReplyDeleteI recently was passed over for a job that I really wanted and needed AND thought I was particularly well qualified for. i've been feeling sorry for myself about it and even been angry about the selection process. I then found out who actually got the job and that person, whom I know, happened to call me, not knowing that I was the other finalist over whom he got the job. He went on and on about how "God led him to this job" and "helped" him get it, etc. While I was, on the one hand, really upset by his theology, etc. hearing him talk about how much he wanted/needed the job and how good it has been for him and his family did give me a better perspective as to how often my loss can be someone else's gain. So I guess the question becomes how DO we get outside ourselves enough to get that kind of perspective more often?
ReplyDeleteIt's Toby. I'm here. Anybody else here? Type in your name if so and remember to keep hitting your refresh key!
ReplyDeleteHi Toby
ReplyDeleteI once interviewed for a job that afterwards I felt had already been "filled" by someone already inside the organization, and they were just going thru the formalities. It is hard to get outside ourselves, perhaps that was my way of justifying how I felt.
ReplyDeleteI found this chapter especially appealing. However, sometimes my contentment is within my familiar circle. You know how you are always glad to get back up north, see the bay and lake, like a sigh of relief sometimes, after visiting elsewhere. I do not like the phrase "out of my comfort zone", too "pat". However, DL may be suggesting that we can expand our contentment thru some of the things he suggests.
ReplyDeleteSorry, Barb - I missed the refresh key. Good points. Yes, to your point about comfort zones. NOt always sure how to consistently venture outside it.
ReplyDeleteAny thoughts or experiences you have about DL's notion of "generosity of spirit," what that looks like, how we engender/develop it? Who is someone who, to you, exemplifies or really incarnates that?
ReplyDeleteI went to visit someone staying at Sunnyback, for rehab (so elderly), and she was knitting a prayer shawl for church. That is thinking outside of yourself.
ReplyDeleteSunnybank.
ReplyDeleteYes, Great, simple, clear example. It's funny how we still often look for "big" or "flashy" examples of goodness, when so often it is the 'little' things right in front of us. That is something I always appreciate in Nancy R's comments in our discussions. She has a keen sense of that truth.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many people at church that are involved helping others, and those they directly volunteer with, or help know about that part of them, but I don't, just hear a snippet remotely, makes me thankful to know caring people looking out for each other.
ReplyDeleteAnything else in this ch. you'd like to explore or should we migrate to ch. 11?
ReplyDeleteShall we meet over in ch. 11 then? I'll see you there...
ReplyDeleteare you moving on?
ReplyDelete